Last post, I talked a lot about why it is important for me to quickly pay off student loans. Again, the ‘why’ is what should drive and motivate you.
For a while, I felt a lot of resentment towards my parents about how much student debt I had. For some reason I thought they should have helped me pay for school. I was very jealous of my friends who did not have any school debt (and still am). I was angry at my universities for how much they charged. I was angry at the decisions I made to study abroad on school loans and go on another international trip in grad school on school loans. I was angry I didn’t budget better in college. I was overwhelmed at the thought of what my paycheck-to-paycheck life was going to be for the next 20 years. Yep. Pissed off and disappointed in myself. I didn’t feel like I was in control at all.
The last time I felt like this was in high school. Early in high school, I had no plans to go to college. My parents divorced at the beginning of my freshman year. I decided to stay with my mom who battles bipolar disorder. At school, many of my friends probably viewed me as the happiest kid walking the halls with my big smile and high energy when it was quite the opposite at home. I could probably write a novel about my childhood but I’ll save that project for later on. I had a guidance counselor at school that saw me come in and out of her office frequently with tears in my eyes in between football/baseball practices, work outs, classes, and my job at a fast food place in town. Frustration about the life I had at home and the sense of resentment I had towards my family. I was jealous of my friends who had parents that were present and active in their lives. I was an angry adopted teenager who felt like he was the victim of some terrible crime. I was overwhelmed by the balancing act of school, sports, work, and life at home.
My school counselor saw something in me that no one had ever vocalized in such a beautiful way. She said, “Eric, you are going to get through this and go to college away from here, and you are going to do what you want with your life.” She helped me fill out college applications and registered me for advanced placement courses my junior year and kept me focused on getting the hell out of Madison, WI.
Fast forward to 2013 and I ran into my guidance counselor back home, and I told her I had a master’s degree and worked at a Fortune 50 company. Tears. Hugs. It was a powerful moment of accomplishment and lesson of gratitude. I’ll have to write more about that later on.
Resentment. Jealousy. Anger. It was happening again but now it was financially driven and had come full circle from my high school hopes to go off to college to escape my life at home. I have been there before and I have won. I could not let the victim mentality win again.
It is easy for us to fall victim to the barriers that lie ahead. The barriers that are between us and our goals. For me, it has been a change of attitude. While the sky seems to be falling, I realize that I still have two feet on the ground. I’m still breathing, and I have the resources to overcome these obstacles. I am in control.
Now that I’ve spent a few posts talking about my vision for being debt free and the attitude shift I’ve gained, I’ll finally talk about how I’ve been making it happen…in the next post.