Planning Life, Not a Wedding

wedding meme

This post has two purposes. One, to inform friends and family what we’re doing and why we’re doing our wedding this way. Two, I thought I would share some reflections we’ve had through the planning process from a financial and general life lens.

A few months ago, my fiancée expressed her frustration doing some google searches. I remember her saying something like, “there’s so much online about planning a wedding and not much on planning a life together.” Big a-ha moment for me. We recently wrapped up pre-marital counseling and it was a great experience on planning for our life, but what about the wedding?

Disclaimer: Don’t read this as me judging you for how you did or are doing your big day. Given our preferences, this is how we’re rolling.

I’ve hit the brakes a little bit on the aggressive student loan repayment plan because we’ve got a wedding to plan! On one end of the spectrum would be a traditional wedding complete with a ceremony and reception for 200 to 300 people (spending tens of thousands of dollars that we’d rather use for other things), and on the other end would be going down to the courthouse and getting married by a judge with our dog as witness. We’ve decided to go an alternative route somewhere in the middle and we’re getting married in…less than three weeks!

Between student loans, wedding planning-related stress, and just wanting to keep things simple we are having a tiny ceremony with just our parents in Duluth on September 27. Then, Deanna and I will have our honeymoon in Maui next month. When looking at the cost of catering, venue rentals, flowers, attire for wedding party, cost of logistics of our families and friends, and much more, we just decided we want to do this in our own way. My family just can’t contribute what they would like financially, so we really don’t want to create a financial pinch for anyone. For those who know my story, you get it.

I’ve learned a lot about weddings from attending friends’ weddings and taking photos at other weddings. I usually hear some form of this phrase, “…well this day is more for the parents than anything.” While that is definitely true, I think we just wanted to challenge the idea of ‘how’ we go about making our parents happy. We spoke with our families and they’re happy about the idea and we get to make it a full weekend of activities with just our parents. It will be some quality time we haven’t had in a long time. For example, me having dinner with my parents hasn’t happened in a smaller setting since I was 13 years old before they got divorced. It’s going to be weird in a happy way.

A friend of mine who is a couple decades older than myself once told me not to spend so much money and stress on inviting people to your wedding you will probably lose touch with in the next 5 years. While this is sad to hear, it’s probably true. Life happens. A big party is memorable, but weeding out who you invite and who you don’t can come with some tough conversations that just aren’t worth it in my mind. I don’t want random co-worker friends of my parents whom I have never met showing up for our big day. It is your day, so you choose the guidelines for who makes it and who doesn’t. In our case, we are just keeping it to our parents, which is absolutely not a reflection on my feelings for the people who aren’t there.

And…the honeymoon?

We originally wanted to get married in Hawaii, but we’re going to have our honeymoon there instead. We’ll spend 10 days in Maui, so we are very excited about that trip in October. We’re planning to rent through Airbnb which appears to be a lot cheaper than the “nice” resorts in the area (Let me know if you have any suggestions for Maui).

This is all fine and good, but what about a reception? What about your friends and families?

We’re kicking around a couple different ideas. One is having a wedding reception happy hour here in the twin cities where we keep it low key and invite anyone and everyone to stop by for a beer and say congrats. For my family back in WI, we’re thinking we might do a separate small family party there. Not sure yet, still figuring it out.

There you have it. Our wedding, honeymoon, and tentative pseudo-reception plans. I am extremely pumped to marry my best friend and partner-in-crime on September 27. Wish me luck!

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